SCIENTISTS have produced overwhelming proof that men joining terrorist group ISIS have comically small penises, WWN has learned.
“At first we thought it was just a coincidence, but we couldn’t ignore how little there was of each and every member’s member,” Professor Bryan J. Gilligunn shared with WWN.
While it is well known that ISIS had long since abandoned trying to recruit well adjusted people who know how to read a book and not turn it into an excuse to murder, rape and pillage, this latest scientific research confirms ISIS have also limited their recruiting to lads with tiny lads.
“ISIS members screaming ‘Allahu Akbar’ moments before carrying out an atrocity is now actually becoming more like a cry for help, a cry for help for their monumentally miniscule penises,” Professor Gilligunn shared with WWN.
Despite trying to remain professional at all times during their research, scientists broke down in tears of laughter as 99.5% of all ISIS members exhibited tiny members.
“We had to spend a lot of money on more powerful microscopes as their genitals were barely visible to the naked eye,” Dr. Gilligunn confirmed.
This research solidifies the theory that people drawn to ISIS often have extreme views, psychotic tendencies, and a propensity to masturbate using a tweezers.